Abby's Alley

If after a day of stopping my intended activity to settle arguments, a day of spraying on mosquito spray and rubbing on cortisone, a day of planned activities that didn't go as planned, a day of being treated like I'm unreasonable, ridiculous, despicable, unfair, yes, even a tyrant! A day of picking up letter magnets and scraps of paper and couch cushions and books and play-kitchen fries and string tied around door knobs and scotch tape that comes apart in shreds and socks balled up and tossed behind the furniture rather than be taken to the dirty clothes,After a day like that, I deserve something!I'm thinking a tray of cookies sounds nice . . . and a chaise lounge. A movie, a back rub, a cup of tea and some silence.It is nearly impossible NOT to feel entitled to some luxury after working so hard. That's how life works. Right? Those who work hard earn something? The harder I work, the more I earn? And I have worked very hard. Perhaps the expectation of payment is what …

Literature seems to be full of people who were given a single command or task or warning, and failed. Pandora was supposed to guard that box filled with sickness and death. Orpheus wasn't to look at his wife until after they'd emerged from the underworld. Lot and his family were supposed to flee Sodom and Gomorrah without looking back. Blue Beard's wife was allowed to open all the doors in her husband's house but one. Adam and Eve weren't supposed to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. The wedding guests taken from the streets in Jesus' parable were supposed to dress properly. I've always been terribly peeved at these characters. How can it be that hard? Don't open the stupid door! Don't eat the dang fruit! Put on the fancy smancy clothes!But then again I've been given one major responsibility, and I much prefer to neglect that than do it. Some days I'd rather write blogs or check facebook or read a fun novel or do the dishe…

When we said, “Look at me!”
They said “You ought to be looking at others.”

When we said, “I did it well,”
They said, “But do you see how it could be better?”

When we said, “I need help,”
They said, “In the real world, you have to go without.”

When we said, “I’m afraid,”
They said, “Well, you shouldn't be.”

When we said, “You’ve hurt me,”
They said, “You’ve only yourself to blame.”

When we said, “You’re doing it wrong!”
They said, “Who are you to say?”
And because we knew not where to go for the cure,
Grown from the womb without His spirit woven in,
Over time we learned to limp on in disguise. Instead of Look at me! it was condescension on others.
Instead of I did it well, it was perfectionisms whip.
Instead of I need help, it was service with expectations.
Instead of I’m afraid, it was withdrawal into isolation.
Instead of You’ve hurt me, it was subversive messages.
Instead of You’re doing it wrong! it was public proclamations. Years of disguises built up walls of callousness,
And ancient longings were…

I remember learning about nursing. I'd just had my first baby, and things were way harder than I thought they should be.  You mean I'm supposed to wake up every two hours all night long? You mean I'm only supposed to sleep one hour at a time because I'm spending that other hour trying to figure out how to do this stupid thing? You mean I'm supposed to wake the sleeping baby to basically torture myself? How long is this supposed to last?I was not ready for this commitment. In fact, I was sure the lactation people had it wrong, so I lengthened the breaks between feedings until I gave myself an infection, twice. I wasn't ready for what it would take, and only later did I learn that nursing would be harder for me than most women. By my third child, I knew what I had to do and I was ready to make that sacrifice. This time I didn't back down from the task. This time I had my expectations set correctly. This time I had my support group in place. I had the same sort…

One: I hurry because if I don't hurry I won't get there on time. And if I don't get there on time, people might give me the "look." I hurry so no one will find fault with me. Two:I hurry because people need me. I'm the only one who can calm them down, fix their heart aches, listen to them properly, advice them well, and help them understand what they ought to know. If I don't help them, they'll suffer needlessly. I hurry because I think everything hinges on me.Three: I hurry because I have so much to do to make this project excellent! If I do well in half the time, people are going to notice. They're going to see that I'm someone worth having around, worth liking, worth loving. I hurry so people will think something of me. Four: Hurry? Hurry! I can't hurry. If I hurry my work is going to look like everyone else's, and my stuff needs to be better than theirs. I'd rather not do it at all than produce something that's just average.…

You know that children's Sunday school song "This Little Light of Mine"? I think it correlates with part of Jesus' sermon on the mount in Matthew 5:"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." (Matthew 5:14-16 ESV)There is a similar passage in Luke, but this passage seems to be talking about something entirely different."No one after lighting a lamp puts it in a cellar or under a basket, but on a stand, so that those who enter may see the light. Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is full of light, but when it is bad, your body is full of darkness. Therefore be careful lest the light in you be darkness." Luke 33-35 ESVThis passage follo…

I am a Book Keeper. I know money and bills, loans and interest. I know who owes what and how much. And I know when the accounts are not in balance. And let me tell you, the accounts are not in balance.Carolina took 10 pennies from Patrick's pile and then Patrick stole 15 back. Juliet has been loudly demanding people give her their money because she needs more than most people to survive, or so she claims, and usually people comply because it's much easier to give her money than listen to her bemoan her poverty. Kennedy borrowed 5 pennies from Maximus and instead of paying it back has continued to pinch pennies from Maximus ever since. And Maximus doesn't do a thing about it. He's afraid of losing Kennedy's friendship so he just lets him continue stealing.Little Gregory has been sitting in the corner crying all day because he hasn't any pennies at all. He claims he started the day with a hundred and someone stole them but he's not sure who. At any rate, he&#…

I began reading Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson's Understanding the Enneagram: the Practical Guide to Personality Types and came upon the following quotes in Chapter 1.". . . the Enneagram indicates what is necessary for our real growth and transformation." (p. 4)"The Enneagram is not only about understanding and transforming ourselves . . . " (p. 7)"Because they (our parents) had to protect themselves from experiencing their own developmental gaps and losses, it was not possible for them to fully support the unfolding of all of the aspects of our spirit, no matter how much they loved us." (p.12)"Our parents unintentionally sent 'messages' to us as children to hide ourselves." (p12)". . . it is the quality of presence that restores the proper balance between them (our real self and our personality) and allows us to embody the expansive qualities of our true nature." (p. 15)How absolutely delicious! Right there in Chapter 1…

There has been so much talk about COVID-19 and masks and quarantine that I am whole-heartily sick of it. The figs on our tree are ripening two a day and we can't seem to keep up with them and that seems to me far more interesting. We've sliced them thin and had them on toast. We've made jelly out of them. We've had them with goat's cheese and in yogurt. The birds are enjoying them now, but I don't mind so much. I much prefer the birds to the green buzzing Japanese beetles who don't seem able to steer their own bodies very well.This week we began home schooling. Simeon, our roomer, watched Benny by following him around the house and giving him his heart's desires while I began the Sonlight curriculum with the children. Despite their moaning and dragging feet, the experience has been overall positive. They interrupted my reading of Usborne's People of the World just about every other sentence to ask questions or add their own information. Some of it r…

People think things of you. Some people think well of you; some think ill of you. Some have fairly accurate ideas of you; some have inaccurate ideas. Some have made false assumptions; some have made true assumptions. Some know you intimately; some know you casually; some only know what you look like. Unfortunately, you're not in the dictionary for anyone to look up and be sure their thoughts about you are correct. They could ask you but even our own knowledge about ourselves is limited.We think quite a lot about ourselves. We think well of ourselves; and sometimes we think ill of ourselves. We have some accurate ideas and some inaccurate ideas. We sometimes know what we want; we sometimes don't; and sometimes we don't care. Some of us understand ourselves quite well; and some just think we do.I believe we're prone to thinking a great deal about ourselves and others' opinions of us especially when it comes to assessing how good we are. But these regions of thought—i…

Dry rot occurs when wood is left wet for prolonged periods of time. The damp wood creates a favorable environment for fungus that eats away at the wood leaving it brittle and soft. You can safe guard against dry rot through repairing and repainting cracked, chipped, or peeling paint, which are possible entry points for moisture and dry rot. The first sign of dry rot is usually bubbling paint. If you insert a screw driver into the wood and find that the wood has become brittle and soft (almost foam-like), dry rot is present. STEP 1: Drill, scrub, chisel, and/or wire-brush all dry rot out until hardwood is reached. Don't be gentle. Continually gouge the wood with a flat-head screw driver to test that you've reached hardwood.  If all dry rot isn't removed, the fungi will continue eating away at the wood from within.STEP 2: Next spray exposed wood with a dry rot killer or wood preservative. Allow it to soak in and gas off for several days. Don't rush it.STEP 3: Brush on li…