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Enneagram 4's: Clinging to the Drowning


You did not love me 

Like I wanted.

Listening without interrupting,

Asking without teaching,

Seeking my heart without blinding me

With yours.


I was hoping for understanding,

Deep and rich as a five-course meal.

I was hoping for companionship

In tracing my heart's wanderings.

I was hoping for curiosity

In exploring my unknown.

And I was hoping for acceptance

Regardless of what was found.


But you didn't give me what I needed

So desperately,

Like water in a desert

Like a buoy when drowning.

I was drowning,

And it took clinging to you 

To realize you were drowning too.


I see now that we are the same—

Bearing different burdens

And straining different muscles

But floundering in the same violent sea.

And as long as we cast about untethered

The struggle will merely exasperate you and me.


O when did I let go of that tether,

Which round my waist had been tied?

When did I start clinging to you

Hoping you’d keep me safe and alive?

I release you from holding me up,

I recall now that you can't.

I confess I was seeking a savior

In one just as leaden as me.


So now let us tie him about us,

Round our hearts and our minds and our souls

Let us cling to the one—

the only one—

Whose love will never grow cold,

Whose understanding is deeper than the sea,

Whose companionship and interest will never flinch

Nor tire to discover what might be found within.

Comments

jgd said…
Oh, Abby, girl, you translate so well, what so many suffer, and offer the only remedy.
jgd said…
Oh, Abby, girl, you translate so well, what so many suffer, and offer the only remedy.

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