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Mattress Tester

I’ve been hired by pirates who make me walk the plank.
But don’t pity me.
I don’t land in the sea,
But rather onto beds that I rank.

These pirates are bed makers hired by a lord far away
to find the best bed
for the very best head.
And that is how they earn their pay.

I’m not paid a cent for my work, just the promise to let me live,
but that’s not guaranteed
if my jumps don’t succeed.
And if the mattress they make has no give.

Tissues, marshmallows, bread, and raked leaves:
Beds made of these
are simply a breeze.
I rate my landings with ease.

But wriggling snakes, live bugs, and wet fish.
Those landings hurt,
bruised and disconcert.
I stated those beds had unsettling squish.

Four years of constant testing before they sent me home.
Don’t be surprised.
It shouldn’t raise eyes.
The best beds were made of cotton, springs, and foam.

Comments

MommaMina said…
These reveal your imaginative mirth.
I laugh out loud!
So fun!
Ed said…
I’m red because I got too busy to write
I should have done it the very first night.
Trail mix with candy for hours upon end
Have made my tummy belts unable to bend.
Driving due west and home again east
I feel like I must confess to a priest.
And now shoveling snow in the subzero cold
I think of spring tulips and piquant marigold.
Now I must write a song that kids want to sing
Perhaps pirates, or wriggle bugs, or carrots with wings.
Whatever the song, the words won’t be shabby
If they’re written by you, my sweet friend, Dear Abi.

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