I’ve been hired by pirates who make me walk the plank.
But don’t pity me.
I don’t land in the sea,
But rather onto beds that I rank.
These pirates are bed makers hired by a lord far away
to find the best bed
for the very best head.
And that is how they earn their pay.
I’m not paid a cent for my work, just the promise to let me live,
but that’s not guaranteed
if my jumps don’t succeed.
And if the mattress they make has no give.
Tissues, marshmallows, bread, and raked leaves:
Beds made of these
are simply a breeze.
I rate my landings with ease.
But wriggling snakes, live bugs, and wet fish.
Those landings hurt,
bruised and disconcert.
I stated those beds had unsettling squish.
Four years of constant testing before they sent me home.
Don’t be surprised.
It shouldn’t raise eyes.
The best beds were made of cotton, springs, and foam.