When the Argument Isn't About the Argument

Have you wished that God would show up in the middle of a disagreement and just say who's right, "Hey, stop arguing. You're right," or, as the case may be, "Hey, shut up. You're actually wrong." Of course, God wouldn't say shut-up. Nor would I enjoy hearing him say that I was wrong, but it'd be nice to know one way or the other. Don't you think?

I think it'd be particularly helpful in cases where people are arguing about divorce or mask-wearing or what to tolerate from an adult child who's still living at home. Could you add a few more issues to that list? Should I speak or hold my tongue? Should I fire that employee or give him another chance? Should I let my kids express their anger like that or should I put a stop to it?

But if God were to show up in the middle of a particularly heated argument and declare that you were wrong, would you be able to get on board with his program? Would you be able to drop your arguments and do it his way? Perhaps you've already decided what God must think, and you just want him to show up so the other person sees that you're right.

I'm not talking about issues that God has already made clear like, should I lie or should I kill my unborn baby or should I fornicate with this guy. I'm not talking about whether we should break the ten commandments or not. I'm talking about the things we argue about with other Christians. 

I think that if we can't hold our "rightness" with open hands, we're probably not arguing out of concern for what God wants. No. Something else is going on instead. 

The possible rightness of the other side has become a threat to something we're holding dear. What is it? Our plans for the future? Our ability to pursue happiness? The proof of our own righteousness? The belief that we've been good? The destruction of the safe place we go to avoid conflict? The idea that we're special? The illusion that we have everything together? The control of our lives? The ability to be right?

We argue about and defend that which is most dear to us, and let's face it, the most dear and precious thing to us is our own backside, which we have a particular affinity for. Actually, I think God made us to care the most about ourselves. That's who we're responsible for taking care of. We're responsible to seeing to our own needs, not everyone else's. After all, who else is going to do it? So we guard our ability to meet our physical needs and our three basic psychological needs: the need for love, security, and control.

When we feel that any of these needs are being threatened, we bear our teeth and growl—well, my nine-year-old son growls. We adults growl in slightly more sophisticated ways. We rant on facebook or make sarcastic comments. The Pharisees in Luke growled by criticizing Jesus for healing on the Sabbath. He was threatening their systems for attaining righteousness.

If you find yourself growling, ask: what am I trying to protect? My righteousness? My security? My control? My value? My ability to acquire love and acceptance?

Then ask, who is responsible for meeting these needs? I know I said we're responsible for seeing to our own needs earlier. Well, we are. But the fact of the matter is, we can't. We can't guarantee ourselves love, security, and control in this world. No one but an omniscient, all-powerful, all-loving God could do that. 

And he does, just as soon as we stop trying to do it for ourselves. 

"Lord, may we let in your unfailing love. May we know your hand is upon our future. May we believe you will walk with us through all situations. May we call upon you as the source of our righteousness and our acceptance and all our understanding. May we do this everyday. Amen."

More on this topic: Values as Pets & Digging Up The Roots

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