We’ve come to my very favorite passage in scripture: wives submit to your husbands. You know why I'm excited about this subject? It's because I've actually accumulated a number of awards for submission throughout my life. Here’s my most obedient-child medal I got in 1990. And here’s my teacher’s pet award in 1998 and my best quiet-spirit girlfriend in 2005, and my 2008 best-submitting-wife of the year award, and I received the best submitting-wife/mother combo just in 2021. And in case you haven’t realized it yet, none of these awards are real.
Truth be told, whenever someone tells me what to do, my initial response is, "Why should I?" follows up by "What'll happen if I don't?" So naturally, God thought it would be funny that I would now lecture on this passage. So haha, I hope you all enjoy God’s joke this morning. Let’s pray.
I want to talk about today’s section, Ephesians 5:21-6:9, in relationship to what we’ve been talking about for the last three weeks. In Ephesians 4, we talked about how this body of Christ is like a hospital where we're all united together as God transforms our hearts, minds, and strength. In Ephesians 5 last week, we talked about mimicking God by bringing all darkness into the light, all our burning desires are remade in God’s light.
Throughout Ephesians, we’ve already seen how God transforms relationships within the church: approaching one another with gentleness, equipping one another, how to speak truth to one another. And then in Ephesians 5:17-18, Paul talks about how our meetings together shouldn’t be like the pagan drunken parties, but spirit-filled with corporate worship and thanksgiving. This section on corporate worship ends with this verse 21, which says "submitting one to another out of reverence for Christ." In this verse Paul puts all Christians on a level playing field before God. We are all members of one body, all unique and all necessary.
It's like if all of us ladies were to hold hands with each other and then attempt to walk across a field, we would have to move according to each other's pace and speed and physical ability. There's no point in one person running off alone and leaving everyone behind. We all need to submit to one another's ability or skill to move.
So now we come to how God transforms relationships within our private lives. Paul gives three examples: spouses, kids and slaves or bondservants. Bondservants could be anything from the household servants—tutor, cooks, gardeners, nannies, or washerwoman—to those who helped run the family business—like contract employees, bookkeepers, carts men, or laborers. In our context today you can think of them as anyone you give services to or who gives services to you.
By the way, none of the given authority within these relationships was unusual at that time. These were patriarchal societies back then. It was normal for wives to be expected to submit to their Roman or Jewish husbands. Women didn’t have much of a say outside the home back in those days. Paul isn’t writing to create a liberated women’s society. Paul also isn’t writing for a social revolution that frees all slaves. His focus here is primarily how our attitudes in these relationships that we had before we knew Christ are now totally different because we are part of God’s family.
Where before these relationships were places people got squashed and squashed others, feared and made others fear, tried to earn approval or avoid criticism. Now these relationship are chances to win spiritual battles.
Next week's passage is about spiritual warfare and fighting against the unseen forces. Don’t you think it’s interesting that Paul talks about earthly authorities right before he talks about spiritual authorities? I think these two sections really go hand in hand.
They seem to be saying, "Choose your battles!" Don’t get fooled into thinking your battle is with your husband or children or parents or gardeners or boss or employees or the elders of your church or your government. The battle is not with them. They are not the enemy.
The real battle is one you can’t see. It’s against the spiritual authorities of darkness.
We know that the spiritual authorities of darkness want to beat us back into slavery, into the old life, the life that distrusts God and says: “No one's gonna be the boss of me!” or “I can’t disobey any authority because I’m too afraid of what they might say if I don’t do what they want,” or “I'm the boss around here and if you don't like how I do things, you can leave!”
Those attitudes are the ones that imprison us. And the real battle is remembering we don’t have to live that way anymore. Christ set us free from that old life of slavery so that we might be fit for service in the Lord’s army.
Jesus didn’t come to free us from earthly masters. He came so that we would be fit to join our Heavenly Master in his work.
But here’s the struggle: if we aren’t looking to the right Master, those earthly authorities are going to be a stumbling block for us and we might easily confuse the earthly authorities with the spiritual ones.
For example, when I was in High School playing soccer at La Serna, the families took turns hosting after game dinners for the team. On my turn to host a dinner at my house, as a joke I asked a girl to sniff a cupcake and when she did I punched it in her nose. Yes, I know. Very mature. Afterwards, that girl then played the same trick on the coach, who felt disrespected and angry. He kicked that girl off the team and the next day asked me to run laps during practice while holding a ball over my head because I was the one who started the cupcake punching joke. After so many laps of this exhausting humiliation, the devil’s messages began to creep into my sixteen-year-old head: "God isn’t in control. God doesn’t care that you are having to do this. God is not with you. You aren't worth rescuing. You are bad."
Did you see what happened? At some point my submission to the coach, which was right for me to do, became mixed up in my submitting to the unseen spiritual authorities of darkness, who were looking for any opportunity to lie and make me a slave to shame and fear. Submitting to our earthly authorities doesn’t mean submitting to the old miserable principalities that used to rule our lives.
How sad it is for the wives or children or employees who think they have to submit to their earthly authorities in order to be good or safe or liked. While submitting to their earthly masters, they have also submitted to spiritual slavery.
But on the other hand, defying our earthly authorities doesn’t necessarily mean we’ve defied the devil either. How sad it is for people who believe they have to resist their earthly authorities to be free or safe or right. These sort of people have resisted the wrong authority.
There were people who fought with the Union Army against the Confederacy to free slaves, but they let the devil win their souls. And there were Confederate soldiers who fought against the Union, but who gave their lives to God. The trick is to know where the real fight is.
Jesus didn’t come to lead a revolution against the Romans or the Russians or against a particular political group. He came to lead a revolution against the spiritual authorities who held us captive to sin with their lies.
Choose to fight the right battle.
Sometimes, however, the devil’s lies are so connected to an authority figure in our lives that some people feel they have to physically defy that authority in order to resist the spiritual authority of darkness.
For example, when a boss or husband or parent is always saying someone is worthless and trash, no good for anything, it’s really hard to separate the devil’s lies from what that authority figure really wants. People don’t act with such abuse unless they are hurting within themselves. But it’s really hard to see past all their destructive words to see their burning desire for God. So those being abused may decide that the best way to submit in all things to Christ is to get out of that marriage or job, or to get some distance from their parents. They get out of the unhealthy situation in order to better hear God's truth, to better believe that they are a new creation.
Here's a made-up example: if a woman grew up in a country where she had to cover herself from head to toe, who was told it was shameful to show herself. And then she came to America and was liberated from that shame and became a Christian and was learning to walk in the freedom of Christ. Then she was suddenly told she have to wear a mask because of COVID, this is probably going to be a flashback to her oppressed and controlled life, and she might need to say, “No. I cannot wear a mask. I cannot go back to that life of slavery.”
The COVID mask isn’t slavery. It’s the old life that lived covered head-to-toe in fear and shame, but the mask is too closely linked to slavery for her. Just like for some, wine is too closely linked to slavery, or for the Jews in Galatia it was a strict adherence to the laws about circumcision.
Ladies, remember, we are all in this hospital of the Lord together. We all are recovering from the same sickness of sin but in different ways. If you’ve ever gone through surgery, you know how there can be a lot of pain when the anesthesia wears off. Healing takes a long time. Christians who seem outright defiant against authority may have just come out of a surgery. They’re in the recovery room and are very sensitive to anything that looks remotely like their old life. Remember “be patient and gentle, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
What about from the authority-giving side? What about the husbands and parents and bosses? We’re all the boss or ruler of something—our children, house, car, pet, cleaning lady, gardeners, the plumber or roofer we hired. Being the boss of something doesn't necessarily mean we're actually in control.
How sad is is for people who think everything in their house has to be perfect to feel peaceful or in control inside their heart. How sad it is for mothers who feel their kids have to be behaving well in order for them to feel good or content about themselves. Totally guilty. How sad it is for bosses who think they have to have a finger in every pie in order for their business to prosper. These rulers may have strict control over one area, but they’ve lost control in what really matters: trusting God's control.
On the other hand, bosses who just try to be nice or parents who just try to not make their kids angry, or husbands who’ve decided that having their own ideas just isn’t worth the complaining or fuss their wife makes. These sort of rulers may feel they’ve kept the peace, but this doesn’t mean they’ve won the Lord's peace. How sad it is for husbands and bosses and parents who think they can’t use their God-given power, if it upsets people or makes for an uncomfortable situation. They have pulled out of the wrong battle. Choose your battles wisely.
Ladies, God is waging a spiritual war inside every husband, wife, child, parent, master and servant. He wants to transform our heart, mind, and strength into functioning, God-trusting sons and daughters of the king. That’s God’s work. That’s God’s battlefield. That’s what his surgeries are accomplishing in us.
And we have a chance to join God in his work to win battles. It doesn’t matter if we’re at the bottom of the totem pole or the top of the food chain. If we're in charge of just a bedroom or a warehouse full of employees. Our work is a spiritual one; not one governed by earthly pecking orders. That’s how we can view these authoritative relationships differently; they become the battlefields where we are co-workers with Christ.
I want to illustrate this by using those chess pieces on your worksheet. That picture on your handout shows the common way of viewing authority. There are pawns who give service to kings and then the kings give service to God. I’m going to use this illustration as a starting point. But get ready because this picture is going to evolve.
So Paul in our passage speaks first to the underlings and then to their authority. First to wives, then husbands. First to children, then parents. First to slaves, then to masters. Remember, these authoritative positions in Ephesus were the norm at the time. So when the Ephesians heard: wives submit to husbands, children obey parents, and slaves obey your masters, they would’ve been like, “Yes, yes, yes. Of course. We know that already.”
But Paul has a twist here. He says wives submit to your husbands, slaves submit to your masters as to the Lord. I’ve underlined those "as to the Lord" bits on your worksheet. Paul says this in the spouse's section and the slave's section. We’re not going to get much into the children and parents section today.
When Paul says "as to the Lord," the Ephesians and probably us too would've been like, “What! As to the Lord!?” In fact, it seems like Paul is saying that earthly authorities are up with God.
I don’t know about any of you married ladies, but my husband isn’t the Lord and I’m going to get into some deep trouble if I start expecting him to be the Lord to me. My husband can’t provide the same kind of security, love, or influence as the Lord can. Don’t get me wrong, next to God, my husband is the nicest guy alive, but he’s no replacement for God in my life. And it would be stupid of me to think my husband was God.
The same is true for slaves to their masters or in our case, employees to bosses, which is why Paul isn’t talking about believing that your husband or boss or parent is God.
Note verse 23. Who is our savior in this verse? Christ. Is it our husband? No. Is it our parents? No. Is it our boss? No. I can’t emphasis this enough. Those in authority over us, aren’t God. They can’t give us what we need. Remember the three basic psychological needs for humans? Influence or power, unchanging love, and ultimate security.
No matter how good of a parent I am, my daughter still is afraid of crabs and the dark closet at night and Jacob Marley from the Muppet Christmas Carol. I can’t be her security in her head. But God can.
No matter how good our boss is, he can’t save us from clients' criticism or co-workers' gossip. No matter how good our church’s pastor is, he’s still just another patient in God’s hospital.
Paul isn’t talking about trusting those in authority to do everything right, he’s talking about trusting that God is going to make everything right. And God is using those in authority in his plan to do it. Trust that God is doing it through them.
Verse 24 says, "Now as the church (which is us) submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands." If I had to rephrase this to prevent confusion, I would say, “Trust Christ for everything when submitting to your husband.”
Paul uses similar language when talking about slaves and masters. Ephesians 6:5 "Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ."
By the way that fear and trembling is just an expression. It doesn’t actually mean to tremble with fear at your earthly masters. You know, like if someone says to you “hop to it,” doesn’t mean you actually hop like a rabbit. It just means get to it now. Likewise fear and trembling probably means with respect and humility.
So Paul here in Chapter 6, just like with the wives and husband example, is saying to submit to earthly masters as you would Christ, but here Paul gets even more clear. Look how Verse 6 removes the earthly master altogether. He says we're bondservants of Christ. That’s who the real master is. We’re "rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man," verse 7 says.
It's like Paul removed the middle man master altogether. It’s like he’s saying, it’s just between you and God. Focus your eyes on God. So on your worksheet to represent this, I want you to cross out the arrow from the pawn to the king and instead draw and arrow from the pawn to God.
I know this is going to make you all uncomfortable for a spell, but don’t worry. I just want to emphasis that when we have God as our master, our service to earthly authorities is totally different. We can’t use that arrow anymore. That was the old slavery to sin arrow. We died to that. We crossed it out.
Besides, this guy here, this temporary authority isn’t the main dude. He’s not our problem or our solution. This middle man was put here by God to maintain some semblance of order here on planet earth. God put him here to make people function a little less like Neanderthals and a little more like a heavenly community, but this middle man in essence is no different.
Chapter 6 verse 9 say just that. From God there is no partiality between employees or employers. The president of the United States and you have to answer to God. Your husband and you will stand before God separately. There will be no getting out of having a lazy faith or half-hearted faith because our husband or parent or boss wasn't perfect.
There will be no standing at the gates of heaven and saying, “Well, my parents never taught me how to process my emotions, so I'm excused right?" Or "Well, the government didn’t say it was wrong, so you can't blame me!" Or "But my husband didn’t really lead me spiritually, and he was supposed to.” The mis-leadership of our earthly authorities doesn't excuse our failings to the Lord.
What defense can we make then because we’re certainly not perfect? It's useless for us to try to give a defense at all. We must allow Christ to speak on our behalf. He is the one who makes us clean and pure. He’s the proof of it and only he can present us before God saying, “There, she's good now! Complete! Holy!”
Jesus is like the trophy or medal we hold up and say, "Look what I got! Jesus won this for me so I could wear it over my heart. I’m good enough now, and this is the proof. It's okay that I haven't won a Best-Submitting-Wife-of-the-Year Medal. Jesus is my Perfection Medal."
In fact this medal that Jesus won for us through perfect obedience to God is the service that Jesus rendered us. Through Christ this whole pyramid of power has now turned topsy turvy. Let me show you how.
Go ahead and draw a cross beneath the trinity knot on your worksheet here. This cross represents Christ who created the world and has all authority on heaven and earth, and yet, even though Christ was king of the world, he became like a servant when he washed his disciples feet, when he gave of himself to them, his time, his teaching, his energy, his flesh and blood, his very life. Jesus became the servant of all. So even though authority-wise, he's located up here under God. Let's draw in his arrows of service.
Drawn three new arrows all coming out from Jesus, the servant of all. One from Jesus to the trinity knot, one to the king and finally the pawn. Jesus gave himself for everyone on earth, kings and peasants.
When we trust Jesus’ work, when we wear the medal he's won us—not tossing it aside and saying, "Oh, I'm good at this event. I can do this one myself, God. Here, hold this medal for me as I try myself." No. When we actually believe what Jesus did was meant for us because we need it, we are raised up to the same sonship-level as Jesus. That's why God sent his son, so that Jesus “might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” Jesus made us fit for service with him.
It’s like this. The pawn becomes a queen and we join Christ up here where the cross is. Now, because we have been seated with Christ in the heavenly realm, we can be givers with Jesus, instead of takers, sons and daughters of the king instead of slaves to sin and people.
Jesus, the firstborn of all creation, became last here on earth, so that even the last here on earth could be first in God's kingdom with him.
Cross out the pawn, draw a queen next to the cross. Now we use those arrows that Christ used to serve God and serve others.
This transformation from pawns to queens so that we can serve like Christ does is what we've been talking about the last several weeks. It started when we first believed and it continues as the Holy Spirit coaches us and brings every piece of us into his glorious light. This is a wonderful gift from God.
Verse 8 describes it saying, “knowing that whatever good anyone does (here on earth), this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondservant or is free.”
This isn't just rewards in heaven, this is the spiritual blessings we receive here and now when we wear our Jesus medals in his service. The riches of his glorious inheritance that Paul talks about back in Ephesians Chapter 1, which fills us to the measure of all the fullness of God.
When we are receiving so much from God, it costs us nothing to accommodate our earthly authorities or earthly employees because we are rich in God’s supplies. Earthly authorities are no threat to the love we know God gave us, the security of trusting he's got our future taken care of, and the power he gives us to do kingdom work with him.
We give service no longer like pawns, but like queens alongside Christ who is “far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come” (Eph 1:21). Now we are able to do far more abundantly than we ever asked or thought possible.
Choose to fight in that battle. It's worth it.
Link to the audio for this lecture: (Audio)
Other WOW Ephesians Lectures (Eph 4:1-16, Eph 4:17-32, Eph 5:1-20, Eph 6:10-24)
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