I had a moment of exasperation the other day where I asked myself, "What am I supposed to be doing with my children? What is the point of parenting? Keep them alive? Keep me alive? Show them love? Validate feelings? Show them how to correctly use power? Teach them to obey me? What's my overarching goal here?"
Thinking about their individual needs didn't clarify anything either. One of my children is deeply concerned with having control. One is most concerned with his safety and keeping active, and the other cares the most about affirmation, success, and love. Love, safety, and control are all good things, but is my goal to provide them what I think they most need?
I set out on my morning walk and asked God for some guidance. I felt befuddled and confused. I needed someplace to set my sights so all else would fall into place. And he answered quite clearly, "Teach them my ways," he said.
That simple statement shed light on what I'd previously been doing.
I'd been running my decisions and children's requests through my own decision-making paradigm. First, I asked myself if I had enough energy or information to allow them to do what they wanted. Then, I asked myself how big of a mess it would make and would they be able to clean it up on their own. Then, I asked myself if this new request fit into my plans for the day. I also asked myself if they'd had a good attitude for me to grant them their request. Finally, I considered the size of their temper tantrum if I said no.
My decision-making paradigm had nothing to do with teaching them God's law. It had to do with my energy and my feelings towards them and my own vision of difficulties in the future. To run all my decisions through this rigamarole was exhausting and time-consuming and tricky, especially if I was moody and couldn't think straight. It's exhausting to have to create my own standard of righteousness.
But "Teach them my ways," was so simple and straight forward. It puts up a standard by which I measure all my decisions. I don't have to decide what God's ways are; he's already established what his ways are. I don't have to make my decisions based on how big a temper tantrum they'd throw if I said no; I only have to uphold what he says is right.
I suppose this line of thinking might've sucked me back into trying to figure out God's will, but it doesn't. In fact, it helps me rise above this situation and see it like God would. What would God say about me getting up and down three times a meal to appease my picky eater? What would God say about my doing all the handwriting for my child's Flat Stanley project? What would God say about over-managing my kids to get them to school on time? What would God say about my trying to make all my children's desires come true for their birthdays? What would God say about continuing this debate with my child?
"Teach them my ways," simplifies and also relieves me. When my kids complain about having to do a job, I'm not the bad guy anymore. God is. He made the world a place where all people ought to contribute. I'm just obeying God by having my children do chores. I can even tell them that. "Guys, if I don't have you do these jobs, I'm not following God's ways. I have to teach you to do jobs or I'm disobeying God!"
Sure, their doing their jobs makes my life as house-cleaner easier, but that's not why I make them help. I make them help because God made a world where everyone is involved, no bystanders, no passersby. They will in fact be happier if they contribute. I also don't have to bend over backwards to cater to all their desires because God made a world where good things don't satisfy us. Only a relationship with him does. And when we have a relationship with him, simple things are indeed satisfying.
Turns out teaching them God's laws will make everyone happier in the long run!
More on Parenting: Why Your Student Ought to Behave
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