The Professional Pointer-Outer

Do you have a family member or friend who tends to continuously point out that's wrong in the world? 

This coffee is too weak. That rug doesn't match. They rushed things. This store's layout has no rhyme or reason. This sermon has no application. She is a slow worker . . .

What they say might be true, but this doesn't make their company any less tiresome. If I'm not in a healthy place, I feel depressed after spending time with these sort of people. Their outlook on the world seems so critical. How do they live with themselves?

I believe these are the perfectionists in the world, the Enneagram 1's, most likely. They point out what is wrong with the world because they care so much for the world to be right. Every mistake, imperfection, or flaw grates on them and their unquenchable thirst for rightness in the world, in people, and in themselves. 

I have a perfectionist child who likes to point out the ways her brothers are missing the mark. They hate it. Who wouldn't? But I want to guide her in what to do with her desires. They are good. They are my child's longing for God to make things right. The trouble is she wants it now, and God doesn't want it now. God is working things together in his timing. What she lacks is patience.

The process of learning takes time. It takes practice. God didn't make a world where we learn things instantly. He made a world where we try, make mistakes, learn, and then try again. It is the same with any skill. Artwork takes practice and patience and time. Playing the piano takes practice and patience and time. Tennis takes practice and patience and time.

Perhaps this is why parents make their kids practice something consistently. It gets them used to being a tenacious learner.  I praise God that my perfectionist child also doesn't give up easily at difficult tasks. 

But what do the rest of us non-perfectionist people do? There's no point in trying to convince the perfectionist that the cup is actually half full. Well, here's what I'm working on within my own home.

1) Remember: I don't need to be afraid or discouraged by the perfectionist criticisms. God is still at the helm. He has made more good in this world that evil. And he is at work making things right in his own timing.

2) Name the desire within the perfectionist as good. "You really want things to be right. Don't you?"

3) If the perfectionist has an open spirit, speak truth. "God is making the world right in his own time."

4) Ask. "Is this something the Lord is asking you to make right?" or "Is this within your authority to fix?" 

For my daughter 95% of the time, it's not her responsibility to fix the thing she sees as being wrong. It's not within her authority, and if it's not within her authority, then this is an opportunity to trust that God has authority here. He has authority over everything really, even this process of teaching my daughter how to bring her desires to the Lord.