Things I Want to Do & Things I Don't Want to Do

Each day I'm tempted to divide my activities into two categories: things I want to do and things I don't want to do. 

I want to write blogs; I don't want to help my children with their homework. 

I want to lay down on the couch; I don't want to figure out who I'm voting for. 

I want to bake cinnamon rolls; I don't want to serve leftovers for dinner.

Usually, I do the things I don't want to do first, using fun activities as a reward.  The fun things are like the bait for getting through the days tasks. Good job, Abby. You finished three chores, you can now sit and have a cup of tea and read The Wind in the Willows.

There's nothing wrong with this. It's a way to self discipline. But the trouble is this sort of mindset can make enjoyable activities the goal of each day. All unpleasantries are just the required payment to finally reap the benefits of my labors. And if anything interrupts or prevents me from enjoying my hard-earned benefits, I grow resentful or despondent. 

Here's what I mean. I buy groceries in the morning, I do some cleaning, I pick up kids, I make meals and wipe bottoms, all the while looking forward to quiet time when I can sit down and rest and write this blog. However, during quiet time, the children fight or don't stay in their quiet-time spaces. I am constantly getting up and down throughout, growing more and more angry until quiet time is over and I feel like my children robbed me of something I deserved.

This seems to happen quite a lot now that I have kids. Things I think I ought to have are taken from me, and time I thought I'd have for myself, I don't. Duties I don't want to do are foisted upon me and responsibilities I didn't choose are left for me to do. 

I can think of two ways out of this trap. One, divide my activities into different categories, and/or two, change the end goal.

Dividing the day into things-I-want-to-do and things-I-don't-want-to-do makes my wants the most important thing about each day. News flash: my wants aren't the most important part of each day. They are a part of me and my understanding of myself and God, but they aren't the most important feature. They change quite frequently based on the weather, how well I slept, and how hungry I am.

Instead, I could divide my day into 1) things God empowered me to plan and do AND 2) things God surprised me with. This makes God the driving force instead of me, and it also helps me to wonder. What will God empower me to do today? What will God surprise me with today? This reframes interruptions entirely. They aren't interruptions or mistakes to God. They aren't purposeless activities or road blocks to what I want to do. Instead these God-surprises are hints of where God would like me to look: not at my own wants but at what God wants for me.

Secondly, when the end goal is relaxing or fun activities, I make the means an end. This is like trying to use a hammer to make a cake. Pleasurable activities weren't meant to be our end goal. They were meant to be like a hammer in our hands helping us to do something else. They are merely another part of the pathways on which we are traveling towards God. God is the goal. The person of God is delightful and satisfying and empowering and safe and interesting and comforting. 

In his presence, which is available to discover and dwell within everyday, I find that my wants change and grow. I find more and more activities, duties, and work enjoyable. In fact, I find that I want to do both the planned and unexpected each day. It's a win-win situation no matter what happens.