Children go through phases. There's the temper tantrum throwing phase, the lying phase, the I hate baths phase. I remember a time when my eldest son would run away whenever we told him it was time to go. We are currently in a phase where my daughter justifies herself whenever we correct her.
Our job as parents is to hold the line, remind them of the rules, and enforce consequences when they break the rules. However in this process, friends and family will most likely observe our children pushing the boundaries. Who hasn't had a kid throw a temper tantrum in a grocery store? What parent hasn't been disrespected by a mouthy child in public? It's embarrassing, and let's face it, people give us funny looks. They might even make judgements based on their observations. "We never let our children act that way in my day." "Well, I can see who's boss in your family." "Kids these days! They get away with everything."
We don't always have the presence of mind to react properly in public, especially if we're totally embarrassed. So let's remember a few things in order to have grace for ourselves and others.
First, kids go through phases in private and public. Our job is to hold the line in public and in private. If we forget to do this in public, it's not too late to correct them later in private, even if Great Aunt Bertha won't be there to see it and take back her judgmental comment.
Two, as embarrassing as it is for our kids to disobey in public, it's not our job to make sure nothing embarrassing happens to us in public. Our job is to learn to respond consistently in public and private. Yes, it's hard and takes practice.
Three, our identity isn't defined by our mistakes. Our identity also isn't based on people's observations of us. People don't see the whole picture. If people observed my son running away after we told him it was time to go, they might've believed my husband and I didn't have control over our son. And they were right. For a time, we didn't know what to do when he ran away. We had to try different things before we found something that seemed to work and by then, who knows? Maybe he just grew out of that phase.
Four, sometimes those comment-wielding older relatives have wisdom to impart. But we'll never be able to hear them or know how to properly apply their wisdom if we're too busy being embarrassed or offended. Again, this takes loads of practice.
In the meantime, don't freak out. People's opinions of us are just a phase too.
More lessons from parenthood: Mother's Day Testimony, When the People I Love Fight, Just Say Thank You, Ministry, A Kids Lesson on Revenge, People Not Moving Fast Enough, Bid For Intimacy, Cleaning the Sheets
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