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Funny Bits


"How will Benny marry?" Rose asked one morning at breakfast. "But if Lee marries me and Benny marries me, then I will have two husbands."

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"We do not call each other stupid!" I told the children on the way home from school. "And we don't call each other stum-bot either (their made-up swear word)." From the back seat, Lee asks, "How about Hamburger?"

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Rose picked up a Pill Bug on the way to school and on the way home she was cradling it. "Mommy, can we bury my Roly-poly when we get home?" she asked.

"Is it dead?" I asked.

"No, but I want him to grow big and strong like his mom and dad and sister and brother and smother and grother and wother and kother." Too much Dr. Seuss, I guess.

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Rose was singing herself a made-up song as we got into the car to go to school. It went like this: "Oh Benny, why are you crying? It doesn't make any sense. Because I can't understand what you're saying."
A few times I've asked the children to go outside because they're acting like wild animals. So the other day at the dinner table Lee was telling us how his class went to the music room at school. "What do you do in the music room?"

"Act like wild animals," he replied, and then demonstrated this by using his arm like an elephant's trunk.

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Lee fell off a black gate in our backyard and in the proceeding discussion about the incident, he asked, "What would've happened if the gate was ten feet tall?"

"You might've busted your head open and bled a lot," I replied.

"And got a bad scrape?" Lee asked.

"Lee, that's called cancer," Rose replied.

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"Mommy, what's handwriting," Rose asked from the backseat of the car on the way to her pre-school.

"It's when you write with your hand. Like this." I help up my hand and pretended to make cursive letters in the air.

"No, Mommy. Handwriting is when you put your hand on the paper and draw around it," she told me.

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Phil was reading the children the old Disney record book of the Three Little Pigs, and I noticed Rose plugging her ears and hiding her face in her knees.

"Rose," I said. "Is this book too scary for you? Would you like to come with me to the bathroom and we can do some pampering?"

"No," she replied.

"We can go to the bathroom and I can rub some lotion on you and we can put on some chapstick and trim your nails."

"But then I'll miss the book!" she protested and continued to plug her ears and bury her face in her knees.

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I was out of the car for 20 seconds closing the gate as the kids waited buckled in their seats. When I returned to the car Rose said, "Mommy, Lee is going to tattle on me!"

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