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God of the Dark

God in the dark
With me in this space
Void of hope or joy
Having lost hold on this place.

God in the dark
Somehow here
Ruling here
But not lifting
My spirit unto light.

God of the sickness
Holding health
But not giving,
Full of power
But not willing.

God of the Dark.

Where can I go from your spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
I have made my bed in the depths
And settled on the far side of the sea,
Is even here your hand upon me?
Shall you, here, hold me fast?

Then you must be the God of the Dark
As well as the light.
And God of the emptiness
As well as the fullness,
And the numbness as well as the feelings,
Of the disease as well as the health,
And the unsound as well as the sane.
Not passive
But lord here
Just as much as bright day
For darkness and light are alike to you.

Then all that I lose—
My plans, my joys, my sanity—
I lose it not into nothingness
But into your hands
For your right hand holds me fast
And my soul, in the dark,
Which is you,
Knows that full well.

I feel this poem needs some explanation as some of the lines might seem disturbing. God is the darkness? Darkness and light are alike to God? This is a reflection on the omnipotence and presence of God even in the darkest of times. I recently experienced a few months of mental darkness brought on chemical imbalances due to Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. And it was through these dark times that I realized that God was equally present and equally in control as he was in my days of joy and health.

At first I felt that I had somehow lost the presence of God because of the darkness in me. Christians aren't supposed to feel this way. Right? The joy of the Lord is our strength. Right? I was deeply comforted by Psalm 139, which I'd hitherto thought referred to physical places. Now however, I think the psalmist might be talking about a mental state when he mentions making a bed in the depths and settling on the far side of the sea. The Lord is with him there as well. The mental state of darkness and light are alike to God. He is lord of both. He is in both places.

I don't think God has made a world in which he sits on his hands and just allows the consequences of evil things to happen as if he were saying, "Well, that's what I get for making creatures with freewill." I think God is equally in control, yes even responsible for, the sorrows as he is the joys. I think he creates life and orchestrates death. Nothing is outside his lordship.

Please understand that by darkness, I don't mean evil, but rather the consequences of evil, which causes us pain. This idea requires more space to explain. Read more in Lemmings, Cliffs, and Gravity.


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