I got out last January’s journal to see what I’d written for the day of solitude last year and found that all I wrote was “At home the noise in my head quiets in 5 minutes. Today at the day of solitude, it didn’t. Why?”
Having a noisy mind is part of how I see sin’s curse played out in me. I mentally take apart and analyze everything into manageable bite-sized pieces so that I can safely decide how to act next. This comes from believing I’m solely responsible for protecting myself and understanding the world. And it makes for a lot of mental chatter.
At the Day of Solitude I recall reporting this to, I think it was Anita Finely. And Anita replied that she thought this had happened because I wasn’t desperate for peace here like I usually am at home. At the day of Solitude I had 8 or so hours of uninterrupted time. At home I have 15 minutes, maybe an hour and a half of probably-interrupted alone time. At home I’m desperate for it.
But coming to the Day of Solitude desperate for some mental peace wasn’t something I could make myself be. Besides, I’ve always kind of thought that being desperately needy was something a baby Christian was. Not a mature Christian. I thought growing spiritually was like growing into adulthood. And the more mature I became, the more independent I would become.
But now I think it’s the other way around. A maturing Christian is more like someone growing old. They give up their freedoms, faculties and survival techniques one by one into God’s hands until there’s no place left where we’re rely on ourselves anymore.
The Day of Solitude couldn’t pry my fingers off my survival methods. But 2020 sure did. This past year, I’ve felt more offended at other’s choices, agitated by restrictions, and trepidatious of the future. I’ve discovered how rich I am in self-preservation techniques but poor in mental peace and words of kindness and thoughts of goodness towards others. These kinds of treasures can only come to those who find themselves desperate enough to let God fill them.
I hope you’ll join us January 9th—whether you’re desperate or not—for whatever God has in store for you to receive.
Having a noisy mind is part of how I see sin’s curse played out in me. I mentally take apart and analyze everything into manageable bite-sized pieces so that I can safely decide how to act next. This comes from believing I’m solely responsible for protecting myself and understanding the world. And it makes for a lot of mental chatter.
At the Day of Solitude I recall reporting this to, I think it was Anita Finely. And Anita replied that she thought this had happened because I wasn’t desperate for peace here like I usually am at home. At the day of Solitude I had 8 or so hours of uninterrupted time. At home I have 15 minutes, maybe an hour and a half of probably-interrupted alone time. At home I’m desperate for it.
But coming to the Day of Solitude desperate for some mental peace wasn’t something I could make myself be. Besides, I’ve always kind of thought that being desperately needy was something a baby Christian was. Not a mature Christian. I thought growing spiritually was like growing into adulthood. And the more mature I became, the more independent I would become.
But now I think it’s the other way around. A maturing Christian is more like someone growing old. They give up their freedoms, faculties and survival techniques one by one into God’s hands until there’s no place left where we’re rely on ourselves anymore.
The Day of Solitude couldn’t pry my fingers off my survival methods. But 2020 sure did. This past year, I’ve felt more offended at other’s choices, agitated by restrictions, and trepidatious of the future. I’ve discovered how rich I am in self-preservation techniques but poor in mental peace and words of kindness and thoughts of goodness towards others. These kinds of treasures can only come to those who find themselves desperate enough to let God fill them.
I hope you’ll join us January 9th—whether you’re desperate or not—for whatever God has in store for you to receive.
More shared at Granada Heights Friends Church: GHFC
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I like the paragraph about survival techniques. It is so true that we develop ways to cope apart from the Lord and as our health fails, our close ones leave us for heaven, our props are taken away. The relationship we have truly developed, inside ourselves, with the Lord is that which remains.
Thank you for you willingness to share your gift of thought and words. II find them so refreshing and thought-provoking.
With love,
Linda Schwarz