Everything Your Spouse Isn't

Suppose the color wheel represents every type of person: the melancholy, the analytical, the sociable, the tinker, the explorer, the cheerleader, etc. 

When we marry, we pledge our faithfulness to one particular person who is of one particular color. I don't mean to oversimplify personalities. We are much more complex than a single color, but bear with me for the sake of this illustration.

Before long we learn that our man or woman isn't every color on the wheel. We married a red and not blue. Or we married a yellow and not a purple. If you need the correlation put more directly: we married a construction worker and discover he's not into discussing literature. Or we marry a refined woman who's terrible at keeping house. Again, I don't mean to stereotype, I'm just giving possible examples. 

In every marriage, couples will find missing colors, some skill or character trait or flexibility that seems important: sensitivity to feelings, greater sex-drive, delight in order, stoic strength, social tact, financial smarts, street smarts. 

When we discover this, we may choose to point out our spouse's missing colors, inform him or her of their deficiencies and ask them to change. I don't recommend this. We might pine after a fantasy spouse or someone else's spouse. I also don't recommend. Or we might treat our spouse as we would like to be treated. We are, after all, just one color too. 

Think for a moment of one of your weaknesses. How you would like your spouse to treat that weakness? Would you like them to bring up your failures for analysis and discussion? Would you like to be trained or taught like a student? Would you like to be compared to others who are better than you or given a book on how you might better do this thing?

Perhaps I don't speak for all types when I say this, but I think the best way is through encouragement. When a blue tries to do yellow things, we can applaud any attempt. When a purple tries to do green things, we can see how difficult that was and encourage them. After all, we are amazed when elderly people take up a new hobby or when children do something brave. It takes a lot of bravery to do something we know we're not good at doing. How much more difficult it is when we know those closest to us will criticize or scoff.

Lastly, and most importantly, we can stop expecting our spouse to be all the colors of the rainbow. Only one man was every color. And his brilliance so outshone those in leadership that they crucified him. 

God made marriage to be with fellow imperfect people so that we together can learn to look Heavenward to find every color imaginable.

More on marriage: What to Do When You Discover You Didn't Marry Superman