(Delivered at Granada Heights Friends Church May 5, 2023 to the Middle School Group.)
Let's look up Romans 12:18-20 and read it together.
"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
What God’s revenge looks like is a topic for another day. But you don’t know how God does it to trust that he’s going to do it. He’s going to take that brick and transform it into a brick pathway for you to walk upon, and that road is going to take you places. You'll then be able to do what this passage says, to be kind to those who hurt you. You can't be kind to them while you're still holding the brick they threw at you. You've got to give that brick to God first.
Small Group Questions:
1) Do you hear a lot of gossip at school or at church? Why do you think people gossip?
2) How do you deal with people who do something wrong against you? Do you gossip about it?
3) How do you think God gets revenge for you if we let him?
4) What do you think happens inside mean people when we’re friendly back to them?
Reference verses: Romans 12:18-20
18 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’”
QUESTION: What is gossip?
QUESTION: Why is it bad? What makes it wrong?
Let me give you some examples and you tell me if you think this is gossip or not. Thumbs down is this is no-good, very-bad gossip. Thumbs up if you think this is okay to say.
Example 1: Your coach made the whole team run extra laps because some guys were messing around during practice. But it wasn’t your fault. You weren’t the one talking when he was talking. It was others, but the coach made everyone run. So after practice you’re talking to your friends. “I can't believe the coach made us all run. That was so unfair! I wasn't even talking. You saw me. He’s so oblivious to who’s actually doing the wrong on our team!”
Example 2: Your family is having a reunion for your grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary, and it's going to be mainly adults. Your parents are making you go, but you're going to have to miss out on summer camp because of it. You're really bummed. So you tell your friends at school. “I can’t believe I have to miss out on summer camp for some dumb party with a bunch of old people. It’s not fair that my parents are making me go. They don’t care what I care about. They don’t think summer camp is important because they’ve forgotten what it’s like to be 13 and have a life with friends.”
Example 3: Your older sibling stands over your shoulder while you’re doing Math homework and tells you what you did wrong. This makes you crazy. It’s true, you did the problem wrong, but you don’t want your sibling's help. And when you tell her to go away, she say, “Sheesh, I’m just trying to help you. But obviously, you’d rather get an F!” So afterwards you tell your mom, “So-and-so is so annoying. They think they’re so much better than me. And they keep trying to tell me what to do. And I hate it! Why can’t they mind their own business?”
Here’s a general guideline to know if what you’re saying is gossip or not: Are you telling someone about your troubles to find a solution, to find a way to love that person better, or because you want revenge, you want them to get punished for what they did? You don’t actually like them or want what’s best for them.
There are different types of gossip.
QUESTION: Why is it bad? What makes it wrong?
Let me give you some examples and you tell me if you think this is gossip or not. Thumbs down is this is no-good, very-bad gossip. Thumbs up if you think this is okay to say.
Example 1: Your coach made the whole team run extra laps because some guys were messing around during practice. But it wasn’t your fault. You weren’t the one talking when he was talking. It was others, but the coach made everyone run. So after practice you’re talking to your friends. “I can't believe the coach made us all run. That was so unfair! I wasn't even talking. You saw me. He’s so oblivious to who’s actually doing the wrong on our team!”
Example 2: Your family is having a reunion for your grandparent’s 50th wedding anniversary, and it's going to be mainly adults. Your parents are making you go, but you're going to have to miss out on summer camp because of it. You're really bummed. So you tell your friends at school. “I can’t believe I have to miss out on summer camp for some dumb party with a bunch of old people. It’s not fair that my parents are making me go. They don’t care what I care about. They don’t think summer camp is important because they’ve forgotten what it’s like to be 13 and have a life with friends.”
Example 3: Your older sibling stands over your shoulder while you’re doing Math homework and tells you what you did wrong. This makes you crazy. It’s true, you did the problem wrong, but you don’t want your sibling's help. And when you tell her to go away, she say, “Sheesh, I’m just trying to help you. But obviously, you’d rather get an F!” So afterwards you tell your mom, “So-and-so is so annoying. They think they’re so much better than me. And they keep trying to tell me what to do. And I hate it! Why can’t they mind their own business?”
Here’s a general guideline to know if what you’re saying is gossip or not: Are you telling someone about your troubles to find a solution, to find a way to love that person better, or because you want revenge, you want them to get punished for what they did? You don’t actually like them or want what’s best for them.
There are different types of gossip.
One type loves to gather and spread information because it makes them feel powerful and important. This is generally a girl thing but not always. We’re not going to talk about that kind of gossip today.
Today we’re going to talk about a second kind of gossip, and that’s when you think someone has done something unjust and you’re mad about it.
Today we’re going to talk about a second kind of gossip, and that’s when you think someone has done something unjust and you’re mad about it.
People are going to treat you in ways you think is unfair. This is just a fact of life. And we're in charge of treating those people as God wants us to treat them. But let's look at it from the opposite end first.
QUESTION: What do you want others to do if you treat them unfairly? How would you like them to respond? Tell on you? Gossip? Get you back?
Let me give you an analogy. When someone does something that you think is not fair—your coach makes you run laps, your sibling is patronizing, your parents make you miss summer camp—, it’s like they throw a brick at you.
QUESTION: What do you want others to do if you treat them unfairly? How would you like them to respond? Tell on you? Gossip? Get you back?
Let me give you an analogy. When someone does something that you think is not fair—your coach makes you run laps, your sibling is patronizing, your parents make you miss summer camp—, it’s like they throw a brick at you.
Ouch. That hurt. Now you have this brick.
QUESTION: What are some options of what you could do if someone literally threw a brick at you?
- Throw it back — that's called getting revenge.
- Give it to someone else — That's like gossiping.
- Talk to the brick-thrower and tell them they hurt you — this is very hard to do, because it gives that person an opportunity to hurt you again, but sometimes this helps iron things out.
- Leave it on the floor — this is like pretending you don't care and aren't affected by it, which if you do every time someone hurts you, you'll end up with a big mound of bricks around you and won't be able to move.
- Carry it around — this is called holding a grudge.
- Throw it out the window — this would be like getting your anger our in destructive ways.
- Ask someone what to do with the brick — this is asking advice.
Let's look up Romans 12:18-20 and read it together.
"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
By the way, that "heaping burning coals on his head" bit, just think of that to mean you'll give him something to think about.
QUESTION: Can you always live at peace with everyone?
QUESTION: If you get revenge by gossiping, who’s job are you taking?
QUESTION: What promise does God give us here?
QUESTION: Instead of gossiping to get revenge, what does this passage say we ought to do?
When someone throws a brick at you, take that brick and instead of gossiping, give it to God and trust he's going to get revenge for you. Say, “God, so-and-so just threw a brick at me. Would you please get them back for me.” And then believe he’s going to do it in his way.
You probably won’t see it. And it’s not going to look like you think it ought to. It won’t look like your coach coming and apologizing to you for making you run. It's not going to look like your parents changing their minds about summer camp or your sibling coming up and saying, "You know you’re really great at Math."
QUESTION: Can you always live at peace with everyone?
QUESTION: If you get revenge by gossiping, who’s job are you taking?
QUESTION: What promise does God give us here?
QUESTION: Instead of gossiping to get revenge, what does this passage say we ought to do?
When someone throws a brick at you, take that brick and instead of gossiping, give it to God and trust he's going to get revenge for you. Say, “God, so-and-so just threw a brick at me. Would you please get them back for me.” And then believe he’s going to do it in his way.
You probably won’t see it. And it’s not going to look like you think it ought to. It won’t look like your coach coming and apologizing to you for making you run. It's not going to look like your parents changing their minds about summer camp or your sibling coming up and saying, "You know you’re really great at Math."
What God’s revenge looks like is a topic for another day. But you don’t know how God does it to trust that he’s going to do it. He’s going to take that brick and transform it into a brick pathway for you to walk upon, and that road is going to take you places. You'll then be able to do what this passage says, to be kind to those who hurt you. You can't be kind to them while you're still holding the brick they threw at you. You've got to give that brick to God first.
Small Group Questions:
1) Do you hear a lot of gossip at school or at church? Why do you think people gossip?
2) How do you deal with people who do something wrong against you? Do you gossip about it?
3) How do you think God gets revenge for you if we let him?
4) What do you think happens inside mean people when we’re friendly back to them?
Reference verses: Romans 12:18-20
18 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’”
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