Skip to main content

To the Confidant of the Enneagram 8

What would you have me do?
Fall apart?
Run away?
I can't be like them.
I am a survivor.

This anger is my armor.
And I must renounce sentiment
For it is the chink.
I will make it
Because I can protect myself
From being used,
From injustice,
From what they say about me,
From needing you,
From needing anyone
Who might let me down.

This finger will be my dividing line
Between them and me,
Them and us, if you wish,
Because I will protect you too.
I should like that
Because it is lonely here.

I can teach you to ball up your fists
I can teach you to look fear in the eye,
So that nothing can rule you
As long as you rule it.

Don't tell me about the discord
Between this and my Savior,
Between strength and surrender.
I know it as well as you.
But what would you have me do?
I know no other way.
This is my life blood, my survival.
Had you been down this road,
Had you seen what I've seen,
You would do likewise.

This is my castle.
Do not tear it down
For if I admit that I can't self-protect,
Then I must trust that He can.
If I confess I'm not strong enough,
Then I must unbuckle the plates across my chest.

It is the greatest act of courage
I shall ever do,
For I risk you writing me off
As I have written off others
Upon seeing what's beneath.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Baptism Testimony

I didn't used to want to be baptized. I was too stubborn. I was determined to be the upright, genuine Christian who wasn't baptized—something of a superior class, I suppose. All that physical symbolism was for the archaic layman or the really emotional sort or the person who's afraid baptism is necessary for salvation. It's not for me. It's not for the steady, reliable believer who's doesn't have a big conversion story. I was in preschool when I prayed the prayer. In 6th grade, I gained a deeper understanding of sin while bickering with my siblings in the backseat of the family van. When I was 16, I began a daily quiet time with the Lord. And now at 36, I'm hearing the Lord asking me to make my faith work. Make the rubber meet the road. Get out of "morbid introspection and into deeds," out of "anxious hesitation and into the storm of events" (Rohr & Ebert, 129-130). Stop retreating into my head to figure out God and salvation

Why the Enneagram Numbers Quarantine

Type 1: The Reformer     I quarantine because it's the right thing to do and everyone ought to be doing their part for society by following the same procedures. Type 2: The Helper     No, I'm not concerned about myself, but I quarantine for everyone else. I want to help my neighbors feel safe, and I would absolutely die if I found out I had passed on the virus to someone else. Type 3: The Performer    I quarantine because that's what's expected of me, right? Plus, think about how bad it would look if I didn't. Type 4: The Individualist     I would've loved to quarantine before all this started but now that everyone is doing it, I'm not so sure I want to follow along. I guess I'll quarantine but somehow find a way to still remain exceptional. Type 5: The Observer     I might quarantine. I might not. I probably will while researching the facts about this virus. When I know enough, I'll make a final decision. Type 6: The Guardian     I q

Wanting the Ends Without the Means

I want my children to learn to get along, But I don't want to hear them fight. I want them to feel their emotions and understand them, But I don't want them to slam doors or be sassy. I want them to be respectful to adults, But I don't want to be embarrassed when they say something totally inappropriate. I want them to choose to obey me, But I don't want to come up with consequences when they don't. I want them to fill their own time with play, But I don't want to clean up the mess when they put stickers on the walls or throw tomatoes over the neighbor's fence or carve into the walls or cut through the upholstery with scissors. I want them to be good. But I don't want to suffer through their becoming good. I want a rich and seasoned relationship with my husband, But I don't want to endure seasons of dryness or coldness or disinterestedness. I want to have friends who are different than me, But I don't want to hear their threatening opinions. I wa