Abby's Alley

I know you didn't choose this life,
Neither did I for that matter,
And I understand the quality of your soil
For I came from similar ground.

We together are crippled
Clumsy, scarred, and insecure,
Having grown from the same tree,
Poisoned up from the roots.

But we no longer need to explain our ineptitudes
Nor use our pasts as excuses.
These shadow-lives no longer outline us,
For the sun has cast us all into light.

For just as our roots set us up for certain failure,
So this transplant has guaranteed us victory.
Just as through one, the many were stunted,
So now through one, life-giving nutrients flow.

Don't you know that the curse has been reversed?
You've begun anew unfettered to those shadows.
That is why I understand the quality of your soul;
I see myself through that selfsame blood.

Upon Christ our tree is now growing
With his perfect blood coursing through our veins,
And the innocence we believed lost or stolen
Has been returned to us as this gift of grace.

"Cons…

I hear emotions like dissonant tones
Or slashes of red across my canvas,
And I stop painting to think.
Let me contemplate this interruption.
Don't rush me on or hide this with colors,
Or play your horns louder to drown out this discord.

Don't you see I'm drawn in?
It is my bread and butter.
It is my craft and my passion,
To be encompassed by these emotions
And discover the truths behind them.

I do not fear the discomfort
Or the emptiness or the pain.
I revel in the search and the dissection
To find what they say and what they mean.

Do not fear. You won't lose me.
Because I'll only be lost until I have found
A burning coal that throbs like a beating heart.
And I will show you what I've learned.

I will give you words for your feelings
And I will breath life into your coldness.
I will teach you how to feel again
And to be unafraid of dissonance and red stripes

I can show you the wholeness
That I've found in my craft,
Found not because of my genius
Or my perse…

God in the dark With me in this space Void of hope or joy Having lost hold on this place.
God in the dark Somehow here Ruling here But not lifting My spirit unto light.
God of the sickness Holding health But not giving, Full of power But not willing.
God of the Dark.
Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? I have made my bed in the depths And settled on the far side of the sea, Is even here your hand upon me? Shall you, here, hold me fast?
Then you must be the God of the Dark As well as the light. And God of the emptiness As well as the fullness, And the numbness as well as the feelings, Of the disease as well as the health, And the unsound as well as the sane. Not passive But lord here Just as much as bright day For darkness and light are alike to you.
Then all that I lose— My plans, my joys, my sanity— I lose it not into nothingness But into your hands For your right hand holds me fast And my soul, in the dark, Which is you, Knows that full well.

I feel this poem needs some explanation as so…

All my wants are ships set sail
For Middle Earth, Hogwarts, and Narnia,
For I'm determined to find them
Having read the books and seen the movies.
I've sent them out in hopeful anticipation
Of the adventures I'll have, and magic I'll wield,
And the lion who'll answers my questions.

Before long, one ship goes down in a storm,
Another is raided by pirates,
One sprung a leak and must moor far away,
And yet another has crashed on the rocks.
Only one of my ships has spotted dry land,
And this one has reached Japan.

Can you blame me for grieving
When all my wants are snuffed out,
And dreams dashed 'gainst rocks?
My ships were bound to fail
For I've charted fake worlds
Instead of real maps.

But all is not lost, no, nor dreams unfulfilled
If I nurture a taste for the orient,
And study the repair of broken vessels,
And learn from experienced captains
How to outfit my ships with cannons and soldiers.
I may yet join the ranks of explorers
And discover what there is to…

I thought I'd share a way of thinking about life that I've found extremely helpful. This has helped me after the births of my children, during the holiday seasons, and when on vacations—whenever life is busy, really. It is during these busy seasons that I often forget to take care of myself and as a result begin to run low in one of these four areas: my physical well-being, my mental space for thinking, my engaging in multiple healthy relationships, and my focus and reliance upon the Lord. 
When I run around all day, I frequently forget to eat (physcial neglect). When I go from one family function to another, I have no time to recharge on my own (mental neglect). When I am ill for a week, I don't go anywhere or see anyone (relational neglect). Lastly, when I think I've got my life managed quite well, I forget about God (spiritual neglect).
I've come to realize that I am responsible for meeting all these needs. No one is responsible for them but me. It's not fa…

We are not water droplets, separate and divided,
Each harboring his own secrets within.
Rather, we are a sea,
Enmeshed with the crimes of the world
As the world is enmeshed with ours.

Like the ocean currents,
Round and round,
All connected,
In relationship
In effect to one another.
Unrestricted by time or place.

Our sea,
Our humanity,
Our immorality,
With Adam savoring the fruit,
With Israel nailing Christ to the cross,
With Germany butchering Jews,
With America electing poor policy
With industries polluting the earth,

We are all participants
In the shockwaves that ripple this ocean.
My sin is yours,
And yours is mine.
No one is innocent.
No one is blameless.

"We have sinned against the Lord, Our God,
Both we and our ancestors," (Jeremiah 3:25b).

"Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin,and in this way death came to all people, because all sinned—" (Romans 5:12 NIV)