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Showing posts from May, 2018

How I Lose My Faith

I seem to be losing my faith quite frequently these days. And by losing my faith I don't mean my salvation. I mean my daily reliance on Jesus.   For example, when I ask God to change someone and I see no change despite fervent prayer, I grow impatient and lose my faith. Turns out I had been believing in a God that would change people the way I thought they ought to be changed, a God fashioned after my own liking with my ideals and my plans. I feel suspended over thin air, realizing the platform on which I was standing is not there anymore. I feel God is not there anymore, and indeed I am right. That god, the false one, was never there. This is how our faith is tested, and by testing I mean the same thing as a mathematician testing a coordinate to see if it is the solution of a function, or graphing a set of coordinates to see if they fall on a line. Or—if the mathematical illustrations mean nothing to you—it is like baking the dough to see if you’ve added enough yeast,

Monterey 2018

It's been two years since we visited Ed and Barb at their home in Pacific Grove, Monterey, and the children had been asking for another visit, so we put that on our calendar for this month. Despite coming down with a cold followed by a painful ear infection, I somehow managed to pack up the children and myself and grab some antibiotics at Urgent Care before leaving for our trip. Taking a vacation with two kids while being 30 weeks pregnant and sick was a new experience. My left ear was plugged for the duration of the trip, and my energy was at an all-time low. Despite that, the vacation was the most restful one I've had since the welcoming of Lee into our family. Things I would normally fuss about—knowing and planning our events and meals, taking pictures at every stop, kids whining in the car, noisy children bothering restaurant guests, forgetting my tea and deodorant, keeping track of all our belongings, making sure we're driving the right direction—fell by the waysi