Skip to main content


Showing posts from February, 2020

Beauty Be Wasted Not on Me

May not an instance of beauty be wasted on me Because I was too preoccupied standardizing goodness Using my own malnourished understandings. May I not mis-judge cacophonous children's games, Wasteful experimentation, and fights to get more Because I am parsing the day into duty and spoiled delights. May their neediness and sleeplessness and incompleteness Not feel to me a robbery but an awakening to the fleeting now, Corporeal and tender, like my efforts are to God. May I not mistaken what is Yours to be mine, Carrying what I cannot and discerning as if I must. For when I labor, I rest not, delight nor see; And all of God's beauty is wasted on me.

Enneagram 1's Longing for Righteousness

O Lord, I've done it again, Expected them to regard my words as gospel truth And when they didn't—because they couldn't— I blamed, dismissed and planned My next defense of this authority I wield like a flaming torch in a hay barn. O God, I've done it again, Believed my judgements were Yours, Thought that I alone held the truth And thus had to speak to bring about goodness. I convinced myself that Your Spirit provoked My inability to hold my tongue— My impatience, really, with Your invisible work. I judged what I saw to be wrong. I assumed You wanted it differently, You intended something else, That things had gotten out of Your hands. O Lord, rightly order my strength's conquests To trust that nothing is outside Your power or goodness; That even in the garden Your plans weren't derailed And You waited for Canaan's sacrifices to be fulfilled. Not a blink is made without Your, 'Let it be.' Not a sin enacted outside Your methodol

Believing the Store Owner

I went shopping at a hardware store for a reverse osmosis system. I asked a passing store employee, who also happened to be the store owner, which system was best. He guided me to what I needed, and I was glad to see that it would only cost me $235. That was well within my budget, so I loaded the system into my cart and headed to the cashier. On my way, I ran into a man who looked like a plumber. He saw what I had in my cart and said, "Those don't work. I had one, and the water tasted terrible." Needless to say, I was concerned. He would know. Right? Perhaps I'd chosen the wrong system. So I went back and found the owner still in the water systems aisle. "Oh no," he replied when I repeated what I'd heard. "This system will do the job. You just have to change the filters periodically or else your water will get a funny taste. The instructions and filter schedule are all inside. This one will give you the absolute purest water. I used to be a wa

Burned in a Forest Fire

I dreamt my family and I were driving in my car when a forest fire prevented us from going any further. There were hot flames all around us. We were trapped and afraid. As the car began to heat up, I unbuckled baby Benny from his car seat and held him on my lap. Rose too was in my arms. My husband held Lee. I remember hearing the children's cries as I looked down into the footwell and saw a burst of flames infiltrate there. Then in my dream, I called on the powerful name of Jesus Christ to protect us. After that I woke up. There was no way I was going to sleep after that. I was too worked up and anxious. I remember asking myself, "Would you call on the name of Jesus, if you were trapped holding your children in your car in the middle of a forest fire?" The answer was undoubtedly yes. "Then why aren't you?" came the next question. The simple answer was I haven't thought I was in a forest fire. I've gone to sleep, so to speak, with the dail

Spotting the 9 Enneagram Sins in Me

1. Anger: more easily recognized as impatience or frustration because my and others' progress towards godliness is too dang slow! 2. Pride: judging my own worth above others based on status, age, worldly knowledge, education, or supposedly-good deeds; a byproduct of believing that I have something to offer others without believing that others have just as much to offer me. 3. Deceit: acting or saying whatever I think my friends wish to hear/see in order to gain their esteem, goodwill, or praise. 4. Envy: a discontented attitude that believes what I have isn't good enough and what you have is, and if I have what you have, I'll be happier. 5. Greed: a continuous grasping for more time, energy, information, or money out of fear that what I have is not enough to sustain me in the future. 6. Fear: a black cloud of dread that something bad is going to happen, and that when it happens, I won't be able to handle it. 7. Gluttony:  an insatiable appetite for distrac

Enneagram 3's Demand for Value

How dare you treat me like that! Don't you know what I've been through? Listen and I will tell you. I have years of experience— I know the exact number For I've kept careful count. And in all those years I've gathered knowledge And wisdom and understanding And experience. Experience, I tell you! You have no right to speak, If you haven't been through it, And I've been through so much, So hear me! Respect me! Esteem me! Defer to my judgement! Recognize my accomplishments! Regard my opinion For by your genuflection I am brought to value. And if you don't, I'll keep my distance, For I need all the favor I can eek out of others To limp on with some self-respect. O God! What have I become That the disregard of a few Should topple my strength With such devastation? I've forgotten once again That I'm not what I do, My degrees, or read books. I'm not the discoveries of mind Or this list of trials. Rather I&#

The Desires of My Heart

I've always been rather perturbed with that verse in Psalms that says "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart"? I don't know about you, but I have a lot of desires. I desire to drink at least one cup of tea a day. I desire my children to not fight. I desire my baby to sleep through the night. I desire a million dollars and maybe a bathroom upgrade and a personal assistant. Yes, yes, I realize these things might not be the best, but what's so wrong with wanting my children to behave? And what's so wrong with wanting healthy food and a safe neighborhood and people to love me? These can't be the desires this verse is talking about because many Christians have been tortured to death or been starving or betrayed by their friends. Were those Christians not delighting themselves in the Lord or is this verse talking about different desires? The verse says that we will be given the desires of the heart and not the body.