Abby's Alley

Over the last several years, I've heard various people of different generations express the following five expectations they have about their parents. These expectations frequently cause quarrels and heart-ache. Allow me to expound upon each and why I don't think they need to hinder our relationships any longer. EXPECTATION #1:   My parents should know me better than they do.  Usually the spirit behind this expectation is something like, "My parents have no idea who I really am! They birthed me and raised me, but they never took the time to hear what I wanted or liked or cared about!"  I hear a desire to be known and understood behind these words, which is normal and good. We were made with a need to be known. But is this a need that our parents can fulfill? Pretend this graph represents everything there is to know about Sally: all her thoughts, dreams, needs, memories, and experiences. Sally's husband knows her better than her parents, and her parents know her

Shall I warn you, O Cain, That tilling the ground is fruitless Because God prefers dead animals? Shall I suggest cattle ranching For cows are bigger than sheep, And this way you needn't compete. Shall I council you, O Pharaoh, To consider your slaves human Because maltreatment breeds rebellion? May I suggest giving them holidays To satisfy them even in their chains And ensure their master you remain. Shall I advise you, O Prodigal Son, To stop burning cash like a spendthrift For the seers predict famine next year? May I suggest you invest in water towers To monopolize the market when it goes under Thus safeguarding your future against hunger. Shall I remind you, O Samaritan Woman, That Israel's God disdains adultery, And your love affairs have cost you his company? May I suggest you curb your appetites And return to the husband of your youth Then maybe from God you'll hear gospel truth. Shall I convince myself, O Heart of Mine, That I advise in accordance with God's wil

1) I look people in the eye more. 2) I'm less self-conscious in public. 3) People seem more mysterious and beautiful. 4) It's less likely that someone will recognize me in public and strike up a conversation. Why, yes, I'm an introvert. 5) No one can see my pimples. 6) I feel so free when I come out of a store and tear that thing off. 7) I can make all sorts of funny faces while shopping without people looking at me weird. 8) I always feel like I'm going undercover when I put my mask on before entering a store, and who hasn't wanted to be a spy? 9) The elastic bands keep my frizzy hair somewhat contained. 10) I like wondering what each type of mask says about a person's personality. 11) Mask wearing has taught me a small lesson in obedience to rules I don't like or don't agree with. 12) And finally, mask wearing has taught me the importance of body language. HA! More on wearing masks:  The Weeping Unmasked Man  &  Doing Good, Be

It seems to me that personality traits in relationships can create vicious cycles. For example, a father may be an optimist while his daughter is a pessimist. Whenever the daughter starts talking about her fears of the future, the father tries to turn the frown up-side-down. This causes the daughter to feel like her father is ignoring the harsh realities of life and so the daughter predicts more doom and gloom. This causes the father to show his daughter how the world is actually a nice place, and in turn the daughter just feels more depressed. If the daughter were to put on a happy face for her father, she would be ignoring her fears and emotions. And if the father were to consider the daughter's frightening musings, he would feel like he was succumbing to despair. Neither one seems able to give up his or her position, so instead they become more pessimistic and optimistic. Here's another example: a wife may be vocal about her emotions while her husband is private. The voc

I have marked the passing of time through weekly grocery trips to my hispanic market, Vallarta. I've found the evolution of security and cleanliness there quite interesting. In the first few weeks, there were limits on toilet paper, meat, pasta, beans, rice, flour, tortillas, dairy & bread products. One week I was fascinated to discover a one-bag-restriction on Maseca, a corn flour used to make tortillas and tamales. These days there is only a 20 pound limit on beef, and I look at the signs and wonder who wants to buy more than 20 pounds of beef at a time. Vallarta used to have an elderly security guard. Next came a hun. Now there are two security guards: one outside and one inside. At the start of this, only one exit was open. Now traffic is regulated in and out of that exit and the other exit is boarded-up with plywood and blocked by pallets of water bottles. Plywood covers the exterior windows now as well. Uptown Whittier boarded up for the protests I've se

"Do you rulers indeed speak justly? Do you judge people with equity? No, in your heart you devise injustice and your hands mete out violence on the earth."  (Ps 58:1-2 NIV) Where shall we go from here? To a public flogging? Strip them, Splay them, And let the Angry strike, Until they bleed Until they weep Until they apologize, Until they wish to undo what's been done, Which can never be undone. Where shall we go from here? Pulses quicken and muscles tense, Sweat beads and hearts pound With rage against the power misused Adding another to the abused: Kings to citizens, Citizens to immigrants, Immigrants to wives, Wives to children. On and on through time, Passing this baton To the next generation, Like an echo down a tunnel. "Someone must pay!  Must pay!  Must pay!" And the bill is passed on, Another levy added.